Blog content: Human: How mental health impacts transgender people

Experts by experience: Young advisor, Zero

When discussing mental health my head immediately goes to my experience as a transgender person. Although I have battled many different aspects of struggle with my mental health, I think it’s extremely important to highlight the additional hardships that can impact transgender individuals (especially the youth). There’s a certain sense of hopelessness in being transgender when you are 18 or younger. You’re scrolling on social media and you see other transgender people who are not just living, but thriving. They’re reaching their goals in their transition, they have a much different level of choice available to them (although still of course difficult). The type of choice that you can only dream of. When will my life begin? That’s how it feels. It feels as if you aren’t living. Not yet, not until you can get the care you need to feel like you. Even then, with this far away dream, the threat of gender affirming care being banned due to “political” discussion becomes even more daunting and can greatly impact this hopelessness. I spent a lot of the time that was supposed to be some of the best years of my life thinking about how I’ll be able to finally live it, dreaming about the future and finally being able to be me. This dream easily  progressed in to much more of a nightmare. Adolescence offers some extreme challenges regardless of gender, socially it is such a prominent part of life and interacting with other people your age is hard. Hard enough without feeling like an outsider, feeling uncomfortable in your body, feeling wrong and never knowing what the world around you might challenge next. I’d like to go on to explore what this experience can look like to encourage understanding. 

We are witnessing such an excruciatingly painful shift in how we view transgender people as a society. We are commonly seen as an abomination, something inhuman, something unwell. I can’t quite explain how mortifying it is to see people online debate my existence as a person. If I should be allowed to live. I know for a fact other transgender youth have felt similarly. Going to school and trying to navigate friendships, relationships and balancing education at the same time has never been something easy for anyone. Being transgender as a teenager makes this even more demanding. Being relentlessly ostracised by peers, being asked the most personal questions about our bodies, surgery’s etc. The shame, the embarrassment that comes with this is indescribable. Personally in my case, due to these issues I isolated myself, not just from society but from my family. With the worry of being judged, shamed or disrespected due to this very common stigma around transgenderism as a whole. This can have devastating impacts on an individuals mental health, such a level of isolation, constant self criticism and never knowing how someone will react to you. Studies suggest that nearly half of young transgender people have attempted suicide at least once. Furthermore, 64% of trans pupils report being bullied for being trans at school, and 1 in 10 have received death threats. 

I’d like to share my experience when seeking out help for my mental health as a transgender teenager. I vividly remember fighting for a referral to CAMHS, for various reasons that I won’t go in to too much detail about. I sat with a healthcare professional, desperate for help and for the next 40 minutes he asked me questions about various gender identities, gender identities I myself did not align with and which had no relevancy to the conversation at hand. He laughed and joked many times about how he “couldn’t keep up with how fast the world’s changing” and how pronouns felt “alien” to him. I sought out help for my mental health and struggles with self harm, I didn’t mention being transgender once. I sat there awkwardly as he googled and asked about many different gender identities and asked if I was considering any surgeries in the future. I cannot explain my frustration that I felt at this time. I did not receive a referral until a year later when I found the courage to again ask for help. Once in Cahms and appointed a professional for many different assessments (none regarding being transgender as I made it clear I did not need help with that specifically at the time). Once again the focus on me being transgender continued to be brought in to conversation. That all my struggles were related to this huge “issue” of me being transgender. I felt as if my voice was lost as every topic became about that, no matter what I tried to express. It wasn’t until recent years that I was able to receive the proper care and support, that I am so incredibly grateful for. These experiences, while negative, made it clear to me that we need voices like mine to speak. I can proudly say that I have noticed change as my time as an expert by experience with CFHD. We need more education and understanding when providing care to transgender youth. For example, introducing yourself by using pronouns. 

“Hi my name is ____ my pronouns are he/him!” 

This can help to create a safe, supportive environment. I have seen this become a much more regular and normal practice, which I must say has made me beyond happy. And to further improve this, asking a young person how many of their struggles come from being transgender, how much it affects them, how much they want to talk about it. Do not assume. Being curious is important, but how we approach being curious is even more so. Is it the appropriate time to ask this question or am I asking this question in the right way? Maybe yes maybe no. Be aware, be kind, be thoughtful. 

While I’ve discussed the undoubtedly hard aspects of being transgender. I would like to emphasise that, even though at one point I felt hopeless, I felt like being transgender was a burden or something to be ashamed of, after many years of experiencing life with all its imperfection, I have come to realise that being transgender is genuinely so profoundly: beautiful. I get the complete and utter opportunity to express, experience and live such a uniquely alternative way. There is beauty in that. Being transgender has many uncomfortable moments but I would like to list the reasons that those moments pale in comparison. I took the time, effort and the dedication to be who I am. Starting from rock bottom and hatred, made me realise there is no other way but up. I was able to essentially build myself from scratch and see how wonderful it feels to see, hear and be myself. The community I get the privilege of sharing is truly unparalleled, the amount of times I’ve met a transgender person and there’s almost an immediate click of understanding and connection is beautiful. And the love I experience is true and exceptionally rare. Love, platonic and romantic is tricky. It’s tricker when you are trans, so when I find it I know that it is real, and that it is pure. And I want whoever is reading this, to know that there is hope. I wrote this to inspire hope and understanding, to show I experienced the struggle but I lived as very much my true authentic self! And I love to live every single minute I breathe with no regret of choosing to keep going. There is help, there is support. And to whoever is reading this as a professional, a parent, an adult or simply just a person who came across this! Then I can’t express enough how vital your effort to understand is, the smallest amount of empathy goes a very long way. And taking the time to educate and inform yourself is more than appreciated. Don’t allow any prior ideas about transgender people to cloud your view because a lot of the time these ideas aren’t reality.